Don't MESS with the DRESS!

So this morning I’m sitting in the school parking lot waiting to pick up my seven-year-old from her summer classes, when all of a sudden, I spot her marching towards the car. She is furious. I mean, I’ve never seen her so mad, and, trust me, the girl is known for a short fuse, so this is really, really saying something. She jumps in the car and slams the door shut. Before I can even ask what is wrong, she’s telling me. “MOM! A boy KISSED me today!”

And I’m like, “WHAT? He kissed you? WHO kissed you?”

And she’s like, “We were working on our science projects and he messed mine up so I yelled at him and he kissed me right on the lips! And Mom, I slapped him.”

And I’m like, “You SLAPPED him?”

And she shrugs and says, “You told me to. Remember? You said if a boy kisses me before I’m twenty-five I’m supposed to slap him!”

Oh. Bless her heart. Of course, I didn’t mean for her to slap other little seven-year-olds. I was referring to horny teenage boys. But I don’t want to contradict myself right away so I say, “What happened after you slapped him?”

She shrugs again, her anger waning and says, “I said ‘Don’t MESS with the DRESS!’”


I burst out laughing and say, “You actually said that?”


She nods very seriously and says, “Yep. I did. It’s from that movie, Mom, the Barbie movie, but I was wearing a dress today, so I figured it worked.”


And I’m nodding because, seriously, it did work. “What happened then?” I ask.


“Well, then he got in trouble. The teacher yelled at him and he had to go to the principal’s office!”


And I’m thinking, Oh, that poor, little boy! Come on people, it was just a kiss!


Then Abbie says, “But, guess what? I didn’t get in trouble at all. I told the teacher that YOU said I was supposed to slap boys if they tried to kiss me and she agreed, and Mom, I think she was laughing.”


And I smile and say, “Abbie, I’m sure she was.”


The end.